Fat and Lonely

So here I am once again as I always am. I feel terrible about myself and everything else about me. I want to be skinny again but it is far more difficult than it looks. I hope that I can figure out something and find the willpower to be free of this shit. I have to be myself and figure this out. I lost a ton of weight when Bill was in Iraq why can't I do it again?? I went from a size 18 to a 14 when he was gone and as soon as he got back I gained it all back on. Here is my vow and this website is going to help me, hopefully. I am going to track myself every day. Bill had made an agreement with me that if I lost 20 lbs by my birthday I'd be able to buy a coach purse. I am excited but my birthday is January 11th and it is almost December. I think I can do it if I put my mind and determination into it and see where it's going. It just is the part about exercise. When I'm at school I can go to the gym there for free but there in a few weeks we don't have anymore classes so I'll have to find someway to keep myself motivated. I'll see what I can do and get back with you on any ideas that I may find.