Fat and Lonely

So here I am once again as I always am. I feel terrible about myself and everything else about me. I want to be skinny again but it is far more difficult than it looks. I hope that I can figure out something and find the willpower to be free of this shit. I have to be myself and figure this out. I lost a ton of weight when Bill was in Iraq why can't I do it again?? I went from a size 18 to a 14 when he was gone and as soon as he got back I gained it all back on. Here is my vow and this website is going to help me, hopefully. I am going to track myself every day. Bill had made an agreement with me that if I lost 20 lbs by my birthday I'd be able to buy a coach purse. I am excited but my birthday is January 11th and it is almost December. I think I can do it if I put my mind and determination into it and see where it's going. It just is the part about exercise. When I'm at school I can go to the gym there for free but there in a few weeks we don't have anymore classes so I'll have to find someway to keep myself motivated. I'll see what I can do and get back with you on any ideas that I may find.

From the Edge of My Darkness aka I'm Sick

So, it is 7:22 am and I am awake willingly, well almost willingly. I went to bed last night before 8:00pm which is abnormal for me only to wake up to being even more sick than yesterday. Maybe a nice hot shower will do me good, but then again it may make everything worse. Who knows? Hopefully today is a good day. I am going over to a friends to help her clean her house for her husbands birthday party this weekend, then this afternoon I am going to my sisters to watch my nephews for a few hours. So hopefully today turns out better than it has started. I really wanna just curl up in bed with my husband and lay there snug in his arms for a few more hours but if I do I probably wont wake up on time to get to my friends house. Oh well I guess I'll go shower then.

M.Milly

Here I am once more, waiting and wanting more. Is there something wrong with me or am I just this strange? Everything seems a little down and uncomforting but it may just be me and my recentness of problems. So my husband and I came to an agreement, if I lose 20 lbs by my birthday (January 11) then I'll get a Coach purse. I agreed. Now I just have to figure out how to lose the 20. I work full time and go to school full time leaving little room for exercise. Any suggestions??? It's not like anyone I know reads this anyways. I not sure why I even bother most days. I guess I'll figure something out and when I do I'll make sure it is posted up here for all my avid readers.