A Quick Fix

Alright sooooooooooo Everything has been turned into a bit of disarray. I found out that my friends weren't ignoring me I just wasn't receiving nor able to send text messages that night. After that night everything just fell into place. The divorce is filed and everything is ready. Bill and I are friends and are able to still converse without problem, which is awesome. I'm just glad to finally be able to move on. Speaking of....I've found someone. His name is Travis. He is amazing! But thats the way all relationships start out you find the person absolutely perfect in every way and soon after things start to fall apart which is what I'm worried about. He really is awesome I like him a lot...we also have a lot in common and a lot we don't have in common too which balances us so well. I just hope that this relationship isnt me trying to move on quicker. I've already told him that I wanted to move super slow with him just for the reason of being hurt so badly before. He completely understands and is going slow just for me =-] Everything is falling into place and it makes me happy to finally be happy again!

-M

One of those days

So this weekend was going sooooooooo great, until today. Thursday I hung out with friends and watched an amazing meteor shower, Friday hung out with more friends and watched people skateboard on a freshly made mini ramp and today...well today I was suppose to go out with friends to celebrate another friends birthday...but now NONE of them will respond to my message or phone calls. This just pisses me off...I mean if you don't want to talk to me TELL me don't fucking ignore me. We're not in high school anymore people. Not one of them are responding....I don't get it....my ex husband leaves for his Annual training and people talk to me but the DAY he gets back they REFUSE to talk to me or text me or call me? What the fuck? I don't get it and I don't like .

(Realization)What am I doing? Why am I allowing myself to fail so easily? I must stay strong and fix my mistakes...I can not let him win

(After midnight once again) It is inevitable that I will never go to bed at a decent time, but that is just me I suppose. I've been laying here thinking of everything that has been going on. Who knows what will happen in the future? I wish I did. One thing that I do know is that I need to stop what I'm doing and grow up. I need a man who is something better, brighter and more successful. I cannot let myself wallow in self pity forever. I love him, and will always. Lets hope now I can figure out what to do now that I am moving one...-M

Favorite Poem of all time

A Dream Within A Dream

Take this kiss upon the brow!
And, in parting from you now,
Thus much let me avow-
You are not wrong, who deem
That my days have been a dream;
Yet if hope has flown away
In a night, or in a day,
In a vision, or in none,
Is it therefore the less gone?
All that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream.

I stand amid the roar
Of a surf-tormented shore,
And I hold within my hand
Grains of the golden sand-
How few! yet how they creep
Through my fingers to the deep,
While I weep- while I weep!
O God! can I not grasp
Them with a tighter clasp?
O God! can I not save
One from the pitiless wave?
Is all that we see or seem
But a dream within a dream?

Edgar Allan Poe

I just need to tell myself to calm down, it was only a dream. Dreams can not harm me. Though when they're life-like they can terrify you...dreams are dreams, possible figments of my imagination. Lucidified into creation because I can feel, smell and taste...I just need to calm myself and think.

Scream from within to create an inner dissonance. I feel confused and dazed. Lost from what I know, from what I love. My soul is crushed and my heart broke, there's no mending this mess. Everything has been shattered, and thrown into a dismaied whirlwind. Why must I be the one to always realize this? Why can't I just feel normal, just once?