Here we are once again

Life seems to be but a dream lately. I create a blissful beginning and a treacherous ending some days and others I just let fall until it reaches where It wants to stand. Lately I have been big on reading my horoscope, sometimes it's right and other times it is not. Like today for instance "Your soft side comes out in a big way today, making it perfect for romance. Settle in for an evening with your sweetie -- or rework your online profile from top to bottom to attract fresh eyes." It doesn't make any sense. I am single, and don't have a sweetie and definitely am not looking for one at the moment...but the past few days it says I should...should I listen to these horoscopes or let myself dwell in self pity of being left by the man I thought I loved?

(Story idea)This is where it starts and ends, me laying on the floor. About a year ago I was offered an opportunity of a lifetime and like any young stupid college student, I clutched on tight and took advantage of the situation. A local company called Life Partition was doing an experiment with a new product called TrueGem. This product, (well it was more of an accesory), when worn was suppose to lengthen the life expextancy and create a healthier you. There were 10 of us ranging from the age of 22 to 87.

Throw me to the ground. Toss me about. Treat me like I'm nothing...seems easy enough. You always faulter and tople but you always get back up. Me, I'm a complete failure at everything and officially don't want to get back up again.

I try to not let my mind wander, but it hurts if I dont. We sat and talked. He wants me to be happy, he wants me to find someone that'll make me happy. What he doesn't realize is I can't handle another heart break...not yet at least. I'm not allowed to grieve, to cry and wish that there was something to make this all better. I'm left here sort of alone. I can sit in a room full of my closest friends and family and still feel completely alone. I'm lost and am afraid to find my way. The one guy I actually started to like...well he's got a girlfriend...so he's out of the question. I guess I should just stop trying, maybe if I did something good will actually happen.

Contemplation and anticipation swirled together in a whirlwind of an emotional overload. The skies are green the grass is blue life has been turned about. My mind sways and twists and calls yet no one ever hears. Someday life will be revealed as new and clear. 'But when?' I ask. Life will adjust in due time. For now I create my paradise in the folds of my mind. Soon I pray. Soon life will be a wonderful bliss again.

The twisted thoughts built within my mind creating mahem and dispair. Leave them to wallow in their sorrow, alone and afraid. Beauty is gone, whithered, beaten and frayed. Lost beneath the thorns the rose stuggles to stay in bloom. Torn and tangled it builds up strength to grow beyond the thorns. The lights above glisten and glare and the rose breaks loose leaving behind the thorns. Yet the twisted thoughts remain forever tossing and turning.

Tossing and turning inside myself; yet my face shows no emotion. The pain of what may come is revealed to me. I want it gone. I want to go, but I'm bound hereby chains. Every scream, every cry makes my stomach turn from the inside. Beauty turns to dust, and life is just stuck.