e chance again and I let it all fall apart. Everything I do I screw up somehow and all I do is let myself fall.

I fall for the worst....I fall for the best yet alone I sit upon my rock alone, forever set in stone. I loved once and lost because I was foolish. Now I have th

A New Year and New Beginnings

I love to look back on my old writings and see where I was back at that specific point in time. Then I look at life right now and I couldn't ask for anything better. As hard as it seems for me to believe, especially after a divorce last year, I've fallen in love. Travis is amazing. He is so perfect for me in every way. I fit perfectly into his arms and his kisses make me fall apart. I love it.

I am unable to write everything that I want to, but when I am able more will come. =-] life is nothing short of excitement and joy now =-] Until I write again, Adieu!

-M-

Today it snowed...well it started snowing December 1...its so pretty...yet I feel so alone. I am surrounded by amazing people, friends, family and lovers, yet thats not enough. Christmas doesnt mean the same since Bill and I...but what can I do? He and I are offically divorced, as of October 20th, but we are still friends. What can I do? Travis is amazing and I bet he'll change my outlook on this season...

Hmmm

Everything is a little scewed today. Autumn is in full effect and I am ready for it. I love this season it makes me happy. All the beautiful colors and the warm scents it is amazing...everything this year is turning out perfect

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Hmmm

Right now I am sitting at work, we're super slow so I am writing something in here. Everything is going awesome I couldn't ask for a better life:)

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life today

A little this and a little of that keeps the crazy lady up to bat...she is sane but really a pain she makes the men laugh. I know her smile she hides it well just to keep to herself to enjoy her sane insanity in bliss.

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A Quick Fix

Alright sooooooooooo Everything has been turned into a bit of disarray. I found out that my friends weren't ignoring me I just wasn't receiving nor able to send text messages that night. After that night everything just fell into place. The divorce is filed and everything is ready. Bill and I are friends and are able to still converse without problem, which is awesome. I'm just glad to finally be able to move on. Speaking of....I've found someone. His name is Travis. He is amazing! But thats the way all relationships start out you find the person absolutely perfect in every way and soon after things start to fall apart which is what I'm worried about. He really is awesome I like him a lot...we also have a lot in common and a lot we don't have in common too which balances us so well. I just hope that this relationship isnt me trying to move on quicker. I've already told him that I wanted to move super slow with him just for the reason of being hurt so badly before. He completely understands and is going slow just for me =-] Everything is falling into place and it makes me happy to finally be happy again!

-M

One of those days

So this weekend was going sooooooooo great, until today. Thursday I hung out with friends and watched an amazing meteor shower, Friday hung out with more friends and watched people skateboard on a freshly made mini ramp and today...well today I was suppose to go out with friends to celebrate another friends birthday...but now NONE of them will respond to my message or phone calls. This just pisses me off...I mean if you don't want to talk to me TELL me don't fucking ignore me. We're not in high school anymore people. Not one of them are responding....I don't get it....my ex husband leaves for his Annual training and people talk to me but the DAY he gets back they REFUSE to talk to me or text me or call me? What the fuck? I don't get it and I don't like .

(Realization)What am I doing? Why am I allowing myself to fail so easily? I must stay strong and fix my mistakes...I can not let him win

(After midnight once again) It is inevitable that I will never go to bed at a decent time, but that is just me I suppose. I've been laying here thinking of everything that has been going on. Who knows what will happen in the future? I wish I did. One thing that I do know is that I need to stop what I'm doing and grow up. I need a man who is something better, brighter and more successful. I cannot let myself wallow in self pity forever. I love him, and will always. Lets hope now I can figure out what to do now that I am moving one...-M

Favorite Poem of all time

A Dream Within A Dream

Take this kiss upon the brow!
And, in parting from you now,
Thus much let me avow-
You are not wrong, who deem
That my days have been a dream;
Yet if hope has flown away
In a night, or in a day,
In a vision, or in none,
Is it therefore the less gone?
All that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream.

I stand amid the roar
Of a surf-tormented shore,
And I hold within my hand
Grains of the golden sand-
How few! yet how they creep
Through my fingers to the deep,
While I weep- while I weep!
O God! can I not grasp
Them with a tighter clasp?
O God! can I not save
One from the pitiless wave?
Is all that we see or seem
But a dream within a dream?

Edgar Allan Poe

I just need to tell myself to calm down, it was only a dream. Dreams can not harm me. Though when they're life-like they can terrify you...dreams are dreams, possible figments of my imagination. Lucidified into creation because I can feel, smell and taste...I just need to calm myself and think.

Scream from within to create an inner dissonance. I feel confused and dazed. Lost from what I know, from what I love. My soul is crushed and my heart broke, there's no mending this mess. Everything has been shattered, and thrown into a dismaied whirlwind. Why must I be the one to always realize this? Why can't I just feel normal, just once?

[...] While on our way home from the movies I sit in the back seat, where I usually am. My brother in front of me, and my sister driving, while we listen to Glee. We're all talented, but they are the limelights. Always needing the spotlight...and I am pushed to the backseat, unrecognized, thought of as weird, always different and never good enough. When will I be good enough?

Here we are once again

Life seems to be but a dream lately. I create a blissful beginning and a treacherous ending some days and others I just let fall until it reaches where It wants to stand. Lately I have been big on reading my horoscope, sometimes it's right and other times it is not. Like today for instance "Your soft side comes out in a big way today, making it perfect for romance. Settle in for an evening with your sweetie -- or rework your online profile from top to bottom to attract fresh eyes." It doesn't make any sense. I am single, and don't have a sweetie and definitely am not looking for one at the moment...but the past few days it says I should...should I listen to these horoscopes or let myself dwell in self pity of being left by the man I thought I loved?

(Story idea)This is where it starts and ends, me laying on the floor. About a year ago I was offered an opportunity of a lifetime and like any young stupid college student, I clutched on tight and took advantage of the situation. A local company called Life Partition was doing an experiment with a new product called TrueGem. This product, (well it was more of an accesory), when worn was suppose to lengthen the life expextancy and create a healthier you. There were 10 of us ranging from the age of 22 to 87.

Throw me to the ground. Toss me about. Treat me like I'm nothing...seems easy enough. You always faulter and tople but you always get back up. Me, I'm a complete failure at everything and officially don't want to get back up again.

I try to not let my mind wander, but it hurts if I dont. We sat and talked. He wants me to be happy, he wants me to find someone that'll make me happy. What he doesn't realize is I can't handle another heart break...not yet at least. I'm not allowed to grieve, to cry and wish that there was something to make this all better. I'm left here sort of alone. I can sit in a room full of my closest friends and family and still feel completely alone. I'm lost and am afraid to find my way. The one guy I actually started to like...well he's got a girlfriend...so he's out of the question. I guess I should just stop trying, maybe if I did something good will actually happen.

Contemplation and anticipation swirled together in a whirlwind of an emotional overload. The skies are green the grass is blue life has been turned about. My mind sways and twists and calls yet no one ever hears. Someday life will be revealed as new and clear. 'But when?' I ask. Life will adjust in due time. For now I create my paradise in the folds of my mind. Soon I pray. Soon life will be a wonderful bliss again.