(After midnight once again) It is inevitable that I will never go to bed at a decent time, but that is just me I suppose. I've been laying here thinking of everything that has been going on. Who knows what will happen in the future? I wish I did. One thing that I do know is that I need to stop what I'm doing and grow up. I need a man who is something better, brighter and more successful. I cannot let myself wallow in self pity forever. I love him, and will always. Lets hope now I can figure out what to do now that I am moving one...-M

Favorite Poem of all time

A Dream Within A Dream

Take this kiss upon the brow!
And, in parting from you now,
Thus much let me avow-
You are not wrong, who deem
That my days have been a dream;
Yet if hope has flown away
In a night, or in a day,
In a vision, or in none,
Is it therefore the less gone?
All that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream.

I stand amid the roar
Of a surf-tormented shore,
And I hold within my hand
Grains of the golden sand-
How few! yet how they creep
Through my fingers to the deep,
While I weep- while I weep!
O God! can I not grasp
Them with a tighter clasp?
O God! can I not save
One from the pitiless wave?
Is all that we see or seem
But a dream within a dream?

Edgar Allan Poe

I just need to tell myself to calm down, it was only a dream. Dreams can not harm me. Though when they're life-like they can terrify you...dreams are dreams, possible figments of my imagination. Lucidified into creation because I can feel, smell and taste...I just need to calm myself and think.

Scream from within to create an inner dissonance. I feel confused and dazed. Lost from what I know, from what I love. My soul is crushed and my heart broke, there's no mending this mess. Everything has been shattered, and thrown into a dismaied whirlwind. Why must I be the one to always realize this? Why can't I just feel normal, just once?

[...] While on our way home from the movies I sit in the back seat, where I usually am. My brother in front of me, and my sister driving, while we listen to Glee. We're all talented, but they are the limelights. Always needing the spotlight...and I am pushed to the backseat, unrecognized, thought of as weird, always different and never good enough. When will I be good enough?

Here we are once again

Life seems to be but a dream lately. I create a blissful beginning and a treacherous ending some days and others I just let fall until it reaches where It wants to stand. Lately I have been big on reading my horoscope, sometimes it's right and other times it is not. Like today for instance "Your soft side comes out in a big way today, making it perfect for romance. Settle in for an evening with your sweetie -- or rework your online profile from top to bottom to attract fresh eyes." It doesn't make any sense. I am single, and don't have a sweetie and definitely am not looking for one at the moment...but the past few days it says I should...should I listen to these horoscopes or let myself dwell in self pity of being left by the man I thought I loved?